Emotional intelligence quandry

I did the emotional intelligence test on facebook over the weekend (I know, I know), and I did well, “remarkably” well in fact. I'm only telling you that because it gives me some credence for what I am going to say next, because if you question or criticise something after you’ve done badly at it, well that just looks like extreme emotional unintelligence – that is probably an instant EQ failure right there. But I do have this issue with Emotional Intelligence testing, and it is this: the gap between what you know and what you do.

See, first go around, I chose some answers, knowing full well that they were the “wrong” answer, because I thought that was a more truthful reflection of what I would do, how I would behave in that scenario. Then I did the test again and chose all the answers I knew were right, regardless of whether or not I ever responded that way, got the kind of mensa equivalent of EQ, and it said I’d either out Dr Phil’d Dr Phil or I was a big liar (can’t remember if it said cheat or liar) – let the reader decide. But does emotional intelligence come in knowing the right or most mature or relationally savvy way to behave, or in being able to execute it? Probably a mixture of both, but if you can never execute what you know then surely you have a failing somewhere. (I reckon I’ve got some sort of Christian homily or illustration in here somewhere, but I am just going to let it go for now.)

This is where I think the whole EQ testing idea, if we are going to elevate the importance of EQ over IQ, is fraught with problems (if I do an IQ test I choose the answer I think is right and that’s all there is to it) – it can seem more like a test of honesty, even humility or appropriate self-awareness than anything else. Here’s a few questions for you. Go on, be honest:

Your cousin (who has bad spending habits) asks to borrow $500 from you to prevent getting evicted. You have the money but don't think your cousin will pay you back quickly. You:

a) Say no and suggest a credit counseling service to your cousin

b) Feel guilty saying no so lend your cousin the money anyway

You find yourself bored at work and really hating your job, even though it pays great. You:

a) Figure out how you can talk to your boss about improving things

b) Spend more time surfing the web at work and chatting with your friends

When someone is telling you about themselves you:

a) Tend to let your mind wander

b) Listen intently

You're in the middle of a complicated romantic situation. You:

a) Find it easy to express all the things you are feeling

b) Are probably more than a little confused