The great conundrum

During the week I read this post over at the Purple Cellar . As a teenager I read a lot of Elisabeth Elliot. In some ways I wonder if they did me more harm than good in that I already was reserved and shy and had no real idea about boys, and so being told not to even go out of my way to speak to, or be friendly towards, a guy I might be interested in, well I suspect it created the ice queen. Being told to “play hard to get” probably wasn’t that helpful either. I was led to believe that if a guy was genuinely interested he would ask you out and that was all there really was to it. Years later I had older men I respected telling me things like "a guy is not going to ask you out Ali unless he's fairly sure the answer is yes" and "you must never under-estimate the fragility of the male ego" etc. So, in response I had a slightly more "proactive phase" in which I tried being a little more "friendly". However, I think I did that badly and that is now nothing more than a source of mortification and remorse to me (email is bad! - I am not at all given to being "forward" in person, but I have sent one or two emails which make me cringe - or they would if I hadn't purged my life of them and trashed them) and I am simply never doing it again! One of my flatmates had the book He's just not that into you, so I read it and set myself free from wasting time with guys not taking any initiative (read this book if you are tempted to make excuses eg the guy is wounded, intimidated, not quite sure you're interested etc etc - he's not, he's just not interested enough). Then someone gave me the "Jane Austen Guide to Dating", just as an Austenish coffee-table kind of book, which is actually a very intelligent, realistic book, written by an Englishwoman and so perhaps a little more appropriate to we Australians than some of the American material (Americans seem to get educated in all these curious little rules, like you should never accept a date for Saturday night after Tuesday, or you're being too available - so you're supposed to say no and expect the guy to ask you again?!). Then I had the opportunity of observing a fellow who I was actually made certain was interested in me, to see what he would do in the face of no interest shown on my part, and the result was: absolutely nothing! So, you know, perhaps those older men were on to something. Then I met a fellow of fine calibre, a man capable of taking the lead, who understood that he was the guy and I was the girl and what that meant, who asked me to coffee in beautiful fashion (and I know coffee doesn't = "date", but it's a good place to start) and it was all just perfect - only problem with this hero is that he wasn't a Christian. So, I am back a little more at the Elisabeth Elliot end (though I do think she’s rather extreme) - if the guy won't/can't take the initiative, well, he is just the wrong guy. But go read this, written by a guy, and if you feel like setting off after a faint-hearted fellow, well don't hear me disapproving - though mind you don't go assuming the guy is faint-hearted, when he could just be Mr Just-not-that-into-you, and if so then gutsy girl might not be the thing, and how you tell the difference seems to be anybody's guess. Or read this, about women cracking twigs and rustling leaves, which sounds like how the bush turkeys go about their business, but I think that is the idea. Anyway, if you thought this post was headed somewhere, my apologies. It wasn't. You won't find any dating advice here. I've got no rules, games, manoeuvres ...