More on living single
So, I thought perhaps I would briefly write about some of the things from the Living Single course the other night at my church. Single women used to read this blog, back in the days when I was involved with the EQUIP book club. I suspect they might have all moved on in the blogosphere, but I shall post this here, incase.
So, on Thursday the evening was titled “Pressing into Christ” and was by a fellow from one of our congregations called Michael Winram. The title comes from something he said last year on a panel, that when he felt lonely he “pressed into Christ”. I think I am going to call it “drawing near” to Christ, because “pressing” just sounds a bit weird to me.
So, at the beginning we were given this raison d’etre of sorts.
I am single because God has been so abundantly good to me that, in his kindness, he has determined that singleness is what is best for me. If you are single, the same applies. God has been so good to you in keeping you single.
But then we went on to look at what you do when it feels like singleness is a curse and not a blessing, and when you look around you and realise that basically everyone has someone that they love more than you, with some particular mention of the fact that feeling self-pity in loneliness is dangerous. (This is true, and I like Piper’s approach to self-pity here – he says self-pity is actually the flip side of pride, because we feel self-pity when we think we actually should to have something other than what we do have, which is worth bearing in mind.)
There were a few points under what pressing into Christ means. These were:
1. Pressing into Christ means thirsting for Christ (John 7:37) It’s about recognising that our desires, and the things we thirst for, are actually desires for Christ.
2. Pressing into Christ means coming to Christ (John 7:39, 13:15-17, 15:26, 16:12
3. Pressing into Christ means bathing yourself in God’s word. eg Psalm 56
4.Pressing into Christ means acknowlegding your fears to God in prayer (Luke 12:22 and Philippians 4, and Matthew 11:27-29 – God will give you rest from the felt pressures of singleness).
We were given a few practical tips also.
1. Don’t spend too much time alone.
The solution to loneliness is not marriage, but fellowship, so get out with friends of both sexes, in groups and one on one, and encourage and pray for each other.
2. Develop one or two close friends you can share everything with.
We need friends who love at all times (Proverbs 17:17), stick closer than brothers (Proverbs 18:24) and are not afraid to correct us (Proverbs 27:5-6, 27:17).
3. Do not feel like you are imposing on married couples
4. Keep yourself busy (but chose leisure activities that are pure, lovely and commendable).
5. Read Christian books – this is good for your soul.
There was a fair bit of discussion about these points. One thing I find is that there are ways that being an introvert is both suited to, and not suited to, being single. I actually quite like being at home. Few things appeal to me less than a weekend booked up back to back with having to be “out”. And over time I have developed interests that I like to do at home – reading, crochet (I think I do crochet in particular, as there is a certain amount of productive satisfaction in it), playing guitar and I will get out and go for a run or wander up my local shopping street (which is an endless source of amusement). And I can actually quite merrily do those things for a long time if I don’t think too much about the fact that I doing them alone. So that is where being an introvert is an advantage.
But that can become a sort of vicious circle then, in that because I have developed things I enjoy doing alone, I have to push myself sometimes to not do them and go where the people are instead. So where being an introvert is not so suited to being single is that, for the times when I am/want to be at home, I am quite alone (my flatmate goes to her parents house a lot on weekends etc, so often I am in an empty house), but being “out” and having to initiate social action all weekend is not so restful for me, so if I want a rest, mostly it will be alone. But I am more or less prepared to accept that. (That might make me sound like a total hermit. The truth is, I actually think I am reasonably social, and not extreme on the introvert thing (I can seriously "talk"), and in the company of a smallish group of like-minded people I could stay with them forever. It’s just mass group social events I prefer in smaller doses.)
There was also some discussion of the problems of number two, and how finding those people can be difficult. This is true. It’s worth looking and asking, however.
It was all good food for thought and remembrance, and this post is just a skimming.