The strange power of encouragement

On Monday afternoon I had my annual performance review at work. I actually came away basking in a rosy glow, not just because I received a good rating overall, but because of some of the specific things my manager mentioned. I was thanked for making a positive and helpful contribution to team meetings, rather than going straight to whinging about anything new, as some do, and also commended for continuing to work well with someone who is renowned for being difficult to work with.

But the thing is, I also felt a little bit convicted. I have done my share of whinging about aspects of how the company I work for does things, and I have done plenty of moaning about the disordered psychology of that difficult person.

And from feeling convicted, I also felt challenged to do better. Back at my desk later in the afternoon I was thinking about how it was a case of that psychological phenomenon where, when you encourage people for showing signs of something, even if it could be improved, it inspires them to do better.

Then Alain de Botton tweeted this the next day:

As parents know, flattering someone ('you're such a good brother') has its role in enhancing the trait that's as yet only half there.

I need to remember this. Encouragement of what’s there can do a whole lot more for motivating improvement (not to mention maintaining good will) than criticism of what isn’t.